This afternoon we're heading off into the wilderness. Well, maybe not the total absence of civilization, but pretty close: we're off on a tour of the national parks in southern Utah and northern Arizona.
Perhaps you note that the national parks are not open at the moment, thanks to the House of Representatives. That's true, but the tour is still on, and we will be making our way across the wilds of the Kaiparowitz Plateau, whether the parks admit us or not. In any case, we need sustenance.
And in our case, that means a couple of bags of junk food and a big plastic bottle of scotch.
The first time we took a cargo ship across an ocean we kind of by accident had a bag of junk food, which came in very handy on the days where the menu included tripe soup and blood sausage. The second time we took a cargo ship across another ocean we made the cabbie stop on our way to the ship to buy three bags of Cheetos. Those came in handy too, and by careful husbandry lasted us two-thirds of the way to New Zealand.
We're not planning on as extreme isolation as the middle of the Pacific, but who knows what will await us on the plateau. So we're taking our own booze and our own junk food. Just in case we're stranded on the airplane (no meals any more) or on the shuttle bus between Las Vegas and St. George, Utah. Or on a trail during an illicit hike in an officially closed national park.
Maybe our efforts will be laughably unnecessary. Maybe the meals will be gourmet quality and leave us so happily stuffed that we'll need nothing to carry us through till tomorrow. Maybe every night our motel will be next door to a magnificent grocery and a state liquor store. But I wouldn't put money on it. I will put money on Smartfood White Cheddar Cheese Popcorn.
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